Transgender Day of Visibility

       A day to celebrate the courage it takes to live openly and authentically, while also             recognizing the leadership of transgender and gender nonconforming                               trailblazers who have led the charge in the fight for equality.

I have rosacea, at odd moments I'll see my reflection and notice my nose has turned hot pink. I look like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I think everyone is staring at my nose. Sometimes they are, because they'll ask if I'm hot, cold, been out in the wind ~ a waitress freaked out one night as I sipped a drink and turned red & speckly. Usually though, no one cares. We all have those issues, things that we are certain make us stand out, and not in a good way. I have a friend with beautiful teeth who was always bothered the chip in one tooth. She was voted as having one of the best smiles in our high school class, but she still worried about that damn chip (I never noticed unless she'd pointed it out recently) and had it fixed as soon as she could. Even though we know most people don't notice and even fewer give a darn, we fret.

Now, imagine going out every day and wondering who's noticing your gender expression isn't quite what they expect. Frankly, lots of people won't notice. Many who notice won't care. Few of those who care will actually say anything. But, you worry, especially because those who speak up may be assholes (the world has plenty) or they may be busybodies (those folks who aren't just mildly curious but are downright rude).

Sometimes you get lucky. One day, E's coworker came in with her preschooler who had met E when she was still presenting as male. The little girl up and asked, "Are you a girl, now?" E confirmed that she is and the girl said, "Okay, cool." and that was the end of that. Kids are awesome. We really need to stop teaching them to be judgmental poopheads.

I think E and all transfolk are very brave. E is so much happier now that she has the right hormones in her system ~ but it still takes courage. Puberty was exciting,  all my girlfriends were going through it too, but it was still scary ~ doing it voluntarily, alone, and with not a whole lot of medical research backing you up takes courage. Facing the courts and telling them you want to change your name takes courage. Telling your parents they raised you as the wrong gender takes courage (especially since a lot of parents totally fail that test and toss their kids out).

Think about how intimidating it is when move to new neighborhood or start a new job. That's nothing compared an external gender shift. Transfolk are superbrave. If you know someone who is transgender, tell that awesome chrysalis to "Rock on, you are gonna be a fabulous butterfly!" Accompany them on their journey, just because you can't really imagine what all they're dealing with, doesn't mean you can't empathize. Buy them dinner, because nobody likes to eat alone and their medical expenses dig into their food budgets.

Don't get judgemental. Stop forcing your idea of the right way to transition on your friend or relative. Apologize when your well-intentioned, supposed-to-be-supportive comment comes out super offensive (I do this a lot ~ I usually manage to stick my second foot in my mouth while trying to extricate the first). Just be a friend. We all need friends, especially on a big journey like transition.

To all you transfolk out there: I think you are courageous & strong. I respect you & your journey. I pray that it will get smoother ~ physically, financially & socially. And I apologize for every time I'm an insensitive lout (working on that, honest). Hope your day was fabulous!!