The Bearded Lady Is Retiring

E is young and underemployed ~ this means tax-time is that exciting time of year when the refund comes. Thanks to overwithholding and the wonders of Groupon, E was able to buy four laser hair removal treatments. Personally, I hate waxing and plucking, but if I don't do that I have as much facial hair as an adolescent boy. That totally sucks, I don't want to look like a boy. Most ciswomen can relate (I suppose the male equivalent would be shaving so no one can tell how sparse your beard is). For E, though, it is much worse. She has a full and manly beard. The thought of thinning that beard is delightful, being rid of it entirely would be a dream come true.

She's never been comfortable in new situations, but this is important to her, so she called & made the appointment. Lots of laser places have questionnaires to complete, which include the dreaded Gender? When you are one gender and your ID has your pretty girlie name, but still carries the M, you hate that question. I don't really see how it matters when you are only getting your face worked on. For E, it's always an uncomfortable issue ~ I doubt that she is unusual in the trans community. Her fears were unfounded, no one asked or cared. She had a consultation, was told it would probably take six sessions, and had her first treatment. It's very exciting. E was downright ebullient that evening.

There are signs that someone has gone through puberty twice. A man's voice may deepen after taking testosterone, but if he used to have voluptuous hips, he'll always be pear-shaped. Even though estrogen can grow lovely breasts, a woman can't shrink her masculine hands & feet. There are however, bottom-heavy cismen and large handed ciswomen (Seinfeld even referenced Man Hands). Other features can be down-played. But the beard, the beard is out there for the whole world to see (or not, for the frustrated transman).

Changing that beard status is a huge step in the transition. Laser treatments end five o'clock shadow, testosterone creates it. Your chin is right there, announcing your status; wouldn't it be lovely if you could agree with that announcement? It isn't just social. A woman's clothes, long hair and a purse, with five o'clock shadow, declare you as transgender. This is a safety issue. Transphobes (asshats) see this as a target. I really, really, really don't want anyone to see my baby as a target. I don't ever want her hit again. I hate that she has been hurt in the past.

She just recently said that the first time she was attacked (as a teenage boy, by a group of about eight) they called her "Brokeback." Think about how terrifying that would be. While you are still trying to figure out who you are, random psychopaths hurt you because they think they know. Years later, after more violence and multiple muggings, you begin estrogen.

Testosterone helps build & maintain muscle mass, anti-androgens and estrogen have the reverse effect. Weaker, and ever more visibly different, the world becomes a scary, scary place. When that telltale shadow is off her chin, she'll be less obviously transgender. To complicate matters, we kind of live in the hood, not an environment known for tolerance.

This is part of why I think E is the bravest woman I know. She says life is easier now. It's scarier, she's more vulnerable than she's ever been, but her brain is getting the right hormones. Now, she is happy. And that is awesome.