Transitions Brings Families Together

It's truly fascinating to see how people react to the news that someone they know is transgender. As I've mentioned, P is kind of an ass about the whole thing. But when I really listen to what he's saying, it doesn't ring true. Increasingly, his anti-trans-anything comments sound forced ~ almost as though his heart isn't in it. I suspect that his rants are strictly obligatory, because that's what little brothers are supposed to do. He recently met a genderqueer friend of E's and is more intrigued than put-off (I'm so proud of him).

My 91-year-old father was over the other day and called E by her chosen name. He got his granddaughter's name right, and is just fine with her being a granddaughter. Tomorrow he may not remember if my middle child is Roger, Tommy or Annabelle, but for one brief and shining moment, he was right. Now if he could just remember to turn off the shower when he's done with it. . .

One busybody I know (and we all know one) read this blog. Busybody then contacted another mutual acquaintance to say that D is becoming a woman. Second acquaintance contacted yet another person to ask if it's true. Third person (the only one in this triad who is genuinely friends with E and me) told me about it so we could laugh at Thing 1 & Thing 2. Thing 1 (busybody) pretty much only contacts me to complain about me and Thing 2 contacts me about once a year.

It is not true, of course, that D is becoming a woman. This may be the single most important thing to learn about transfolk: they are not changing genders, they are simply no longer lying about their genders in order to "fit in." Also D no longer exists, she is a woman and her name is E. While this takes some getting used to, it really is quite straightforward.

I don't fault Thing 1 and Thing 2 ~ actually, gossip can be a wonderful thing. Awkward, painful and embarrassing things can be brought up more easily by someone indirectly involved. People's first reactions aren't necessarily their truest reaction. It is probably better that E didn't see my initial response to the transgender news, it wasn't pretty. When someone at work gets laid off, sometimes the relief that "it wasn't me" can be mistaken for "ha ha!" A new widow shouldn't have to tell dozens of people her spouse died ~ one friend can tell two friends, and they'll tell two friends. . . She should be greeted with sympathy, not questions about what she & the hubby are planning for vacation.

So, gossip if you like. "So, er, Ted, that beard's coming in nicely" is a much better greeting than, "ACKK! Sally, you have a beard!" Just remember, the new guy is the same girl you've known for years. Just keep facts straight and accurate and be certain your listener knows what is factual and what is your opinion.

And stop talking about people's genitals! Seriously! Whether someone has an Innie or an Outie is none of your business.