I am terrified by the whole works: being transgender, transitioning, everything. The whole world is a harsh place ~ it is far more dangerous for women than men, even more so for LGB folk, but the T. Oh that T. There are men who hurt women because they're women. There are men who hurt homosexuals because they're insecure in their own masculinity. (Frankly, I think both groups are just neurotic about their teeny-tiny penises.) But transfolk, they get to deal with the exponentiated psychoses of rapist x homophobe.
The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs put out a report on violence against LBGTQ people recently. Transgender people are 1.67 times as likely to suffer threats and violence as LGBTQ non-transgender people. Over 50% of LGBTQ homicide victims in 2012 were transwomen. Before she accepted that she is a woman, she was depressed. A lot. I worried she might hurt herself. When she is on estrogen, I don't worry at all about that. Now I worry about strangers.
E. has never been an intimidating kind of guy. As a man he was kind of short, as a woman she is only slightly taller than average. She is slender. She is gentle and it shows. As a man, she has been attacked (hit, kicked & robbed) five times that I know of. She won't take the bus home after three in the afternoon because two of those times were on the bus. Real men, sane men, meet someone non-threatening and respond by either ignoring or protecting them. Cowards strike out. It would be comical if only they were as ineffective as they are craven. She has always had a vulnerable vibe ~ is she more vulnerable now? Since she's been on estrogen, she is more confident, will that help protect her?
The ugliness in the world has already stained my baby. It terrifies me that there might be more. But she really isn't keen on being kept safe in the house where the world can't hurt her. She wants to live her life. And I have to let her, because I love her.
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