When I think of all the issues my daughter is facing, mine seem so trivial. But, part of the reason for this blog is to help parents feel less alone, so it would be dishonest not to admit my own shallowness.
What do I write in the Christmas newsletter?
It's kind of a silly dilemma ~ but I can be kind of silly. This is our first Christmas with our daughter. A change in gender identity can't be hidden forever, but it can be postponed. Do I update family & friends on my three sons? Tell them one child's news is huge? Send two different letters, one to those in the know and another to the rest? Update them on two sons and a daughter and pretend that's the way it's always been? I'm leaning that way partly because it'll fun to see who doesn't respond with what the?
Because of the way I found out (Kicking Down the Closet Door) several co-workers knew pretty much as soon as I did; it's been fairly easy telling people at work. Talking with my mother one day, it just slid right out, easy peasy. Mom was awesome, she asked if he was taking hormones. When she learned he was, her response was, "Pretty soon he'll have boobies." Still makes me laugh ~ and I was worried about how she'd react, silly me. Months later, she still refers to E by male pronouns, but she doesn't care because E is happy. It took me weeks to make the connection between depression and gender dysphoria (or years, since I didn't figure out the dysphoria on my own) Mom made the connection in minutes. So much for the cognitive powers slipping after your eightieth birthday. She's not sure we should tell Dad, "You know how he blurts things out." He'll probably find out on Thanksgiving, when he tells his grandson he's looking like a girl with that long hair. My guess is Dad will take it as well as Mom, and then forget so we can go through the whole thing again at Christmas. In his defense, he is a nonagenarian.
The aunt & uncle who live a four-hour plane ride away, who probably would get judgmental, don't really need to know. They are very old and it's doubtful E will ever see them again. But her paternal grandpa doesn't know yet. We need to tell him. We have no idea how he'll handle it. Just fine, I think, but I'm not positive.
How do we tell extended family and friends? Gossip isn't always bad. Sometimes it's a great way to spread news that gets uncomfortable telling over and over. True, it's not everyone's business, but it's the sort of thing everyone will find out eventually ~ like pregnancy.
E came out on Facebook, once her parents and siblings knew. I sort of did, because I linked the first post of this blog ~ but I blocked those most likely to wig out. I'm a coward. I want to stand up and yell at the world, "E is my daughter! And she's fabulous! If you have a problem with that, crawl back under your rock and shut the heck up!" But, that would make waves, so I toss pebbles in the pond when I should throw boulders.
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