Transgender Day of Remembrance

Uh. . . okay? What are we remembering? If you're new to the transgender world, and you love someone who is transgender, you probably don't want to read this post. You really should read this post. Transphobia is real and is a helluvalot scarier than arachnophobia, claustrophobia or any other traditional phobia. I've spent most of my life bug-phobic ~ I once woke my husband to kill a bug for me (I don't know what kind ~ there was no way I was going to get close enough to find out) because it was in the tub and I needed to get ready for work. My aunt's claustrophobia means that, for all the years after they married that Grandma was still alive, my uncle & cousins had to drive across country for vacation ~ because my aunt cannot fly. These are "normal" phobias. They are annoying and sometimes quite disruptive to the sufferer and loved ones. That's it.

Transphobia is different. It expresses itself aggresively. It is violent. It is ugly. It is no more a phobia than rape is sex. It is about power, control and hate. True phobics want to conquer their fear. Transphobics want to conquer that which they fear. It is the transphobics who should be feared, and if they act on their fear, they need to be punished.

Back to the Transgender Day of Remembrance, there are a lot of awesome transfolk in the world. We want to keep it that way. Until we admit to ourselves how much violence is directed at transgender people, we cannot confront the problem. The first step is recognizing that there is a problem. So, every November 20th is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. It is the day we acknowledge those people whose lives were cut short because some asshole was too insecure in his own masculinity (women are guilty of transphobia, too ~ but they don't seem to act on it) to let someone different live. Yes, live. Transphobia is about beating, rape, murder. IT MUST END!

According to the FBI, in 2012, there were 12,765 murders in the US. There are 313,914,040 people in the US. In other words, approximately 1:24,000 people in the US were murdered last year. If transgendered people are represented at the same rate, we'd have lost 28 in past year. This list skims the surface, there are more. Few details were available because the news tends to downplay murders of LGBT people. The level of brutality is particularly horrific.

Islan Nettles was beaten to death in Harlem, across the street from the police station house, after her murderer learned that he had just come on to a transwoman.

Melony Smith was beaten to death in Los Angeles, just because. The local news refers to her as a man and by her birth name.

Konyale Madden was shot to death in her home after having told a family member she was going out on a date. Nice date.

Diamond Williams was murdered and dismembered by hatchet and screwdriver.

Cemia Dove was stabbed, tied to a concrete block, and thrown in a pond. Once her body was found, the media attacked her all over again.

Mercedes Demarco died suspiciously while in police custody.

Eyricka Morgan was stabbed by another resident of her boarding house.

Shaun Hartley was beaten to death with a board.

Dominique Newburn was brutally murdered in her home, bludgeoned or stabbed ~ no official cause of death has been released, although her death was three months ago.

Milan Boudreaux, along with husband Akeem, shot to death in their home.

Not one of these people deserved to die.

This is not a complete list of this year's victims of transphobia in the US. For one thing, it is hard to find them all because police and newspapers often refer to victims by the wrong gender and names they no longer used. For another, the bastards who hurt them don't go around admitting they did it because they don't like people who are different (defense attorneys don't encourage admissions of hate-fueled guilt). Yet another reason, and this is soooooo sad, is that many victims of transphobia take their own lives because they've been abandoned by the very people who are supposed to be their staunchest allies. If your child commits suicide because you were a bully, you probably won't tell the truth to investigators.

These are all people whose lives were cut short. The reason is often unknown, but that I could find this many transgender murder victims in just a few hours screams volumes. If you know of a transgender victim of violence, speak out. Don't let the police or the media treat someone any differently because he or she isn't cis. People are people and must all be treated the same.

It can be difficult for transfolk (especially teens & young adults) to find decent jobs. Those who get tossed out by their families often end up on the street, turning tricks to survive. That is a horrible fate to consign someone to and it puts them at even greater risk.

Allies, hold your loved ones close to your heart. Make certain they know you love them. Assure them home is really home ~ get over your issues, get over yourself and invite your child back home. Give them the key. Let them know that as long as you have a roof your head, there is a roof for them. And transfolk, trust your gut, if somebody gives you the willies ~ get away. Please. We want there to be no more need for a Transgender Day of Remembrance.