Cross Your Legs & Hope for Dry

©2012 Sam Killerman

Remember in school, lining up for everything, especially the bathroom ~ sometimes alphabetically, sometimes by height, but pretty much always there was a boys' line and a girls' line. And transkids go into the line everyone seems to think they belong in. Everyone but the transkids themselves, that is. Deep inside, they know something's wrong with this picture. The world (or Mom, Dad & the doctor, anyway) have made a major decision based on what is, or isn't, dangling "down there." Some children have gone to extremes in attempt to match their outsides to their insides, including one little girl who tried to castrate herself before she finally convinced her parents that's she's not a boy.

In the early stages (pre-hormones until at least a year after beginning hormones) of transition, the bathroom issue is traumatic. You know what gender you are, but the world doesn't necessarily agree with you. And you're never sure just how others see you. Imagine going into the men's bathroom if you look a little too feminine, how safe would you feel? On the other hand, in the women's room, everyone uses a stall, every time. That's better. Right? What if you look a little too masculine? A skittish woman screams, or maybe a father waiting outside for his daughter sees you, decides you're a perv and decks you before his little girl comes dancing out, completely unscathed. What is "a little too masculine" or "a little too feminine"? Well, that is in the eye of the beholder.

Pretty much every Target and Walmart has a trans-friendly bathroom (God bless 'em). They didn't set out to do that, but those Family Bathrooms solve the issue for transfolk. In addition to being a Godsend for parents shopping with opposite gendered children and transfolk, they are also a blessing for those with bashful bladders.

So here is a request to all cisfolk out there ~ when you see someone in the bathroom who looks "not quite right" don't assume the worst. If they're behaving like you, then maybe, on the inside, they are the same gender as you. Ignore them, that is the nicest reaction you can have (other than, "Oh. That one's out of paper, try the next one.")

And businesses ~ when you're building, or remolding, think about adding a family bathroom. Or several. Women take longer in the bathroom, for one thing we wash our hands; there is always the issue of whether to have more stalls in the women's room to compensate. Here's another option, how about three rooms: men's women's & who care's? You'll make some people very happy and you'll have a couple extra stalls for times when the gender mix is lopsided.

Feel free to add anyplace you know with trans-friendly bathrooms to the comments. If we get a good list going I may set up a page of safe bathrooms.